God, I love getting old.

Yes, my friends are all blogging about their babies. Yes, my hairs are getting grayer every day. My skin has become dry, I moan and groan when I bend over, I bitch about kids these days. But it's all worth it. This is not a half-hearted attempt at convincing myself that the best is yet to come. This is me, feeling whole in my own skin. Not needing approval. Experiencing someone's neurotic coping mechanism and feeling amused curiosity, instead of hurt feelings. I used to cry a lot, and it was like a hurricane - I had no control, and I felt it so deeply, so painfully. Now my skin is thick but I haven't lost my ability to feel empathy or love. Aging is awesome.

There is a person in my life who I've allowed to control my emotions since childhood, and I finally turned off the switch - it feels good. I feel evolved. And surprisingly, I feel a bond with this person - an understanding for the reasons behind the bad behavior, a forgiveness that this person has never asked for, but needs just the same.

Quitting smoking, a daily 30 minute jog-walk, a reasonable diet and GNC Vita-packs have propelled me into a near-euphoric state. I feel good all the time. I mean, all the time! I feel smarter, physically strong, mentally well, and super optimistic.

Friday, but not really.

Ha ha! Look! I can do something I say I'm going to do! I didn't wait another 2 years to post something.

I am writing this while I should be filling out patient charts. It's Friday and I have to work tomorrow, so I feel I deserve a little slack off time. Last night I met a friend for drinks after work at a gastropub in Menlo Park. It's such a common part of most people's lives, but a rarity for me to do anything socially after work, and I want to do it again soon.

This weekend, I work, torturing people with my trusty laser . Then, on Sunday, I'm meeting my friend Kati in Half Moon Bay for some paddle surfing! We tried it once in Santa Cruz and were hooked! So if the weather's good, we'll be splashing around in the harbor.

I have no idea why, but I've been a jerk to my husband all week. Maybe I'll cook him dinner tonight. He's started taking drugs to help him quit smoking - cross your fingers for both of us.

Scatterbrain

...and that's what it's all about, folks. Getting all excited about something, then getting distracted and doing something else. My last post was in April. Since then, I've become a runner, running my very first Bay to Breakers race. I got tired of that, so I traveled a bit - went on a cheesy but much-loved Carnival booze cruise to Mexico, took a road trip to LA and played at Disneyland all day with my husband, rode a train up a mountain in Colorado (and subsequently came to some marrow-jarring realizations about my Dad and his ilk), attended a medical conference in Chicago (art! food! old friends!), started smoking again in Las Vegas, saw my brother get married on the beach in Costa Rica, quit smoking on the way home from Costa Rica (if only it was as easy as typing it is), and went camping.

A bit on running. WTF? I have now taught my body how to feel like shit and become severely depressed when I don't run. Why do people like this? I get the feeling good part. But hours of running to nowhere, with no conversation, no ability to form actual thoughts, and then, when you get tired, you have to run all the way back. I feel pretty douchey, too, because not so long ago, I was the hungover 20-something smoking a cigarette on the curb, feeling superior to dickheads in $200 fluorescent orange and blue running shoes. I finally figured out that I can wake up 30 minutes early, watch a pirated movie on the iPad while mostly walking on the treadmill, and that satisfies the bare minimum needed to not feel like a psychopath. I decided to set my sights high and run a 'Progressive Marathon' on the day of the SF Marathon. I ran a little here and there, kept track of it, and did the last 5K of it, equaling 26.1 miles total. I had never run 5K without stopping before. I felt awesome and lame at the same time. When I saw the normal marathon runners coming in, I just felt lame. Until the guy with the blood pouring down his legs ran by. And what's up with the barefoot marathon runners? It's like being vegan, or straight-edge, or Catholic. Hardcore self-flagellation.

On a more positive note, I recently worked a show with Rock Medicine, the Power to the Peaceful with Michael Franti & Spearhead. What a lovely day. The weather in Golden Gate Park was beautiful. Everyone was smiling, dancing, and apparently, eating pot cookies. We saw 4 or 5 people who had eaten or smoked too much marijuana (they always think they're dying, for some reason), one head laceration which was quickly stapled up by a NP on site, a bee sting, and a few scrapes. I loved catching up with the Rock Medicine volunteers, and promised (much like my blog writing, learning to juggle, painting, and mosaic-making), that I will do much more of it in the future. I hope I can. Related - Pearl Jam, Modest Mouse, and Elvis Costello are doing Bridge School Benefit this year. la la la!